kriStevie2

...by His amazing love...

in Him i live, move, and have my being...

MacBook Pro and Call Of Duty
kriStevie2
sagemuse34
I'm on the MacBook Pro. He's playing Call Of Duty. I'm listening to him grunt at the frustration of having to be against all the good video game geeks he plays against...I've been looking up recipes for the future...This morning we just spent the whole entire day in bed--literally. We both didn't have work early and we've both had a busy week prior to today, so we indulged ourselves with our naked selves in bed and watched a movie...and you know what else goes on, will spare the details.

It's nice to just come home and be curled up in each other. The smell of his aftershave was in my hair the whole day. Made me think of this morning quite a lot :)

Susie comes next week...which is funny because the pregnancy test result came back a few days ago. It was negative. He says he was a bit sad that we weren't. I didn't really feel the same way as him because we're not ready. He's right to feel sad though because just yesterday I felt sad as well.

I'm gonna sign off and go ask him for my cuddle now.

I love my Husband :)

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kriStevie2
sagemuse34

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kriStevie2
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kriStevie2
sagemuse34
I finally deleted my Xanga and Myspace tonight...been meaning to do that for a while but kept forgetting to. I did manage to find these 3 journal entries from Xanga--made me miss the way I used to write...no brevity in my detail oriented writing =) Enjoy Self:

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Whew! I just finished reading "The Tragedy of the Street of Flowers", its the first novel I had to read for Portugese Lit. Boy it was really intense...distasteful in a few parts, but still intense. Ive missed these days of being curled up on a chair, of the inability to put down the book because it's gripped you--it made me wonder what would've happened if I had pursued English as a major instead of Nursing.

In any case, the overall story centers around this young lawyer: Vitor da Silva, only he doesn't know that his real name is supposed to be Caetano da Ega -- Caetano being the name his mother wanted to call him and da Ega being his father's family name. As you read on you'll find that Vitor's mother is this woman called Joaquina and his father is Pedro...Mom runs away and Pedro tells his brother, Timoteo, to erase her memory from now on and tells everyone that she's died...Only she's run away to a "different life", the life of hardships that comes with prostitution. Many would say hey, give the girl a break, she was only 16 when she got married and she wanted to be a little more than a wifey...

The first sentence introduces the setting of the novel which is Lisbon, Portugal where we see the main characters watching a production of Bluebeard in Teatro Trinidade. As everyone looks on, bored, Genoveva entangles everyone with her captivating looks, bourgeois flair, and all the enigma that follows when someone comes into a room "fashionably late"...Throughout the first half of the book, Eca de Queiroz walks us through the eyes of those who will take part of what will soon be a love triangle...yep, a love triangle. We are introduced to Damaso, Genoveva's ATM machine...then Vitor, the lover...The last half of the novel definitely intrigued me but around Chapter 10 I began to find Vitor's growing impatience with Genoveva sophomoric.

I was unsatisfied with the lack of depth in which Eca illustrates certain characters and after closing the book I was left wondering about certain 'loose ends' such as the last part of Senhor Marinho's story about Genoveva, what ever happened to Miss Sarah...The conclusion of the novel took such a sharp turn that it was over in literally two pages...Nevertheless, Eca does introduce us to other themes and uncovers the role of men and women in bourgeois society, religiosity, what was considered 'art' during their time, political warfare, education, and many others including domestic grievances and scandals that stems from discontentment. Furthermore, careful detective reading was not necessary to recognize the special twist between the two main characters...but if you did not get there yet, then you must read on :)


--------------------------


Patience upon reading this...there are lots of points (^_^):

Tuesday, 02.28.06: Was the last day of MedSurg clinical and it also marks the day that showed me how REALLY dependent I am in Christ with everything--especially Nursing. I was doing fine in all the past clinical days and as I was gradually given *heavy patients, I handled them beautifully--a little bit of nervousness at first but then Id regain my confidence. But notice how Im saying mostly "I this" and "I that"</b>...On Tuesday, I was given TWO heavy/difficult patients on the low side. Kristine, who was the Team Leader for the low side even said my patients were the heaviest on that side. With that said, I cried out to the Lord countless times to help me because I was extremely being challenged by these patients. I realized that having those two heavy patients humbled me so much and that it really wasnt about my strength and my abilities alone--that I am so scared when Im doing things alone and that I really NEED the Lord God to be in everything I do.

In the book of Judges was the story of Samson. He was a man of strength. He killed a lion with HIS BARE HANDS when the lion threatened him; he killed 1000 men using an animal's jaw as a weapon--he did many other things but he was only able to accomplish all these "feats" when he trusted in the Lord, when he sought the Lord, and when he was dependent on the Lord. But at some point, Samson became slack, became slothful and became semi-dependent on God. Samson forgot the reason why he was given this incredible ability of physical strength; he slept with a harlot as well as allowed himself to be seduced by a woman named Delilah. Delilah was able to get out of Samson the source of his strength--his long hair. As a result, Delilah told the enemy (the Philistines) his secret and they cut off his hair, actually they SHAVED him as well as blinded his eyes, then threw him in prison. After a while of being in prison, the Philistines were gathered at a feast just to mock Samson and they brought him out in chains. Samson was placed in between the palace's two pillars and while Samson was being mocked, he remembered his calling in life--to deliver his people, the Israelites from the Philistines...Samson ASKED GOD in verse 28 for strength and right then and there he was given the same strength he used to have, if not, even stronger than his old strength. Samson pulled down the pillars of the palace killing all the Philistines at the feast. His hair wasnt his source of strength that whole time! It was just a "representation" of the actual source which was THE LORD GOD! When Samson acknowledged his weakness to God, God was STILL merciful, God STILL heard Samson's tiny voice/whimper of prayer, AND STILL answered it--even though Samson messed up! Sure enough the enemy was defeated and Samson's people, the Israelites were set free from the hands of the Philistines.

The reason for writing/recounting this passage is to draw a parallel with my story. The reason why I became a nurse is for God's glory, to go into the mission field, and my mission field is wherever the Lord has put me at that point in my life. On Tuesday I didnt read my Bible before entering the hospital. I didnt pray about my day and ask the Lord to go before me prior to entering that hospital. I didnt ask God to help me before entering that hospital. The reason Im about to give might seem valid but you have to put God first, everything else comes second. Why?--Well, Who gives me life? Who gives me strength? Who gives me the sun to warm my face? Who gives me the air that I breathe? Who gives me the food that I eat and the water that I drink? Who gives me a comfortable bed to sleep in? Who wakes me up each day and GIVES me another day to live? THE LORD DOES. And just because I woke up a little late that morning and got to the hospital a little later than usual is not an excuse to just completely forget to acknowledge the Lord--because everything I am comes from HIM and HIM alone...HOWEVER, I am soooooo extremely thankful that even when I failed to pray or read my Bible that morning, God STILL did not fail to help me out that day, He STILL listened to my cry for help and He STILL showed me mercy and grace and STILL gave me strength to go on and finish my tasks--and how do I know that He was STILL there? Because each time I whimpered to God while I was in my patients' rooms about how much I was struggling, a classmate would come in and help me out, a classmate would come in and see that I was not doing alright at all and would help me out...they were truly Godsent and they didnt even know it! They were the answers to my whimpers of prayer!

-----------------------------

I actually have time to sit and write a very long, drawn out story because Prof. Monetti cancelled our Wednesday clinical day and the Pedes lecture is cancelled on Thursday as well so WooHoo! This month has gone by so fast that its almost time to call Ateh for her "monthly birthday wish" again...As much as Id love to recap what has happened this whole month, (as well as the past month), my memory is great but not THAT great so its likely that I will leave out details...so with that said, I planned on writing LONG like I said, but yes, Brevity is Wit at times and so I shall try and remain brief (^_^)

On Saturday Mae, Makiko, Doris, Ashley, and I spent time with Ateh. Our eagerness brought us there early but that's ok because she recieved us (like she always does) with a cheerful heart. It was awesome just sharing what the Lord has been doing with each and every one of our lives...and although the other topic of discussion is something that doesnt apply to me--yet, it's definitely something I will hold on to for future references...But Yes, Hebrews 3:13 says "But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin" and thats what we did with great joy...

Last week was amazing! Each day till today makes me realize how great the Mercy of Christ really is...how deep the love, how great the embrace...when we heed and we are obedient to His call He shows us great and mighty things about ourselves that we would never have thought existed, that He will take us to places we never would have gone... For the first time I saw, in new light, answers to my prayers from the last year unfold. How three years ago I never would have thought to be in such a place as I am in now, to love being in the presence of the Word, to read my Bible in public, to speak to strangers about how great His love, to be ok when I am cursed at or rejected by people who do not accept His ways, to be singing in the subway just because I am glad that I am alive...You can sit there and rationalize all you want but nothing in this life really matters because nothing in this world lasts. The only thing that matters is your relationship with the Lord. It isnt easy to follow Him but the best part is that you're not walking alone, He walks WITH YOU...The Lord gives true meaning to our lives and whether you believe that or not is up to you...but I do pray that you WOULD believe.

John 14:6/7
...I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.

Meditate on it...

-->exit text<--

We Have A House!
kriStevie2
sagemuse34
Stephen is sleeping on me via Skype at the moment...I can hear him breathing. He's upset and tired and excited all at the same time. Upset because his driver's license got revoked for reasons too many to recount. Let's just say that Scotland Police force are strict on speeding and driving on a handheld...and there are way too many open fields and not enough people; which makes you an easy catch. Tired because without a license he cannot drive, so other means of transportation (like the public one that I'll have to start getting used to) obviously takes long becaues you have to wait on it to come. Lastly, Excited because his application for mortgage got approved and so we have our own little starter house when we get married. Yay! Unfortunately I've never seen him so crestfallen as I do now. He's got such a cheery outlook on life all the time that it's sad to see and hear him so down in the dumps...I wish I could be there right now to stroke his hair with his head on my lap =\

I can hear you breathing babe ^_^ Poor thing.

...Nervous...It comes and goes.
kriStevie2
sagemuse34
Met up with Leila today. We haven't seen each other in 2 weeks...Reflecting on not seeing certain people in a long time made me think forward to when I leave the United States to be with Stephen in Scotland. I've been looking through pictures on facebook a few times and I see long histories amongst the people in them. We're talking decades--maybe even pictures nonposted that date back to toddler years--and here I come: an Asian, errr, a "Pacific Islander" slash American slash new-comer to Scotland--where mostly everyone will be mostly White (pardon my French) and where I will definitely stick out like a sore thumb. I feel this small *squeezing fingers shut* because my only link to this place is Stephen and I know that I will miss home and New York City with all of hits brashness and out of the ordinary characteristics...then I think about work and how much different being a UK RN will be; and having to take public transportation and getting inconveniently lost; having to drive on the "wrong" side of the road--I feel overwhelmed again so Im going to stop.

I tell myself that I love Stephen. Don't get me wrong I do, very much so...but Please Lord, help me have more confidence...more self-esteem, more careful attention to those around me and not myself, more love for where I am going, more ease about adjusting to the overall married life and perks that come with it...Calm this tsunami going on in my head please. Amen.

Hummm ^___^
kriStevie2
sagemuse34

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kriStevie2
sagemuse34
about 3 days ago i had this desire to learn my zulu again...its gotten stronger...ive been looking through my old pictures...Lord, when will You send me back? i'll wait for the 'go' signal.

Week2--Increasing Appetite :D
kriStevie2
sagemuse34
Week 2 on the meds. Got my usual blood draw, I'm still anemic but a little extra iron should balance the levels. My appetite is starting to come back, still feel nauseaous at times but with moderate eating I'm alright. Scotland is literally around the corner, I hope Bumatay approves my request off...Havent been able to practice the guitar in almost 2 weeks...Waiting for "the Angry One" to give me a copy of the music...YPC Interview on the 21st--yeah I know, I couldn't wait till after Scotland, Unni and I ended up having the same interview date...People will think we coordinated it (or not), but whatever...Been doing very good emotionally, thank God...Ahjussi's been in my thoughts again lately. Havent seen him in a whiiiiiile....Makes perfect sense why he's in my thoughts again though--because it's been a month ago today since we had the "TALK"...Don't think I haven't been keeping count mister...

On the home front: There's been flooding in the Philippines. Green and Kuya Noel practically had to live in SM Rosales for 3days. The Pangasinan house is ok, flooding only reached up to the ankles according to Green...The neighbors, however, were largely affected by the flooding--and the flooding happened in the provinces because the dams had to be released in order to let water down from Manila...I heard that some people had to live on their roofs, almost all of Carmen is underwater, and people had to evacuate their homes and abandon everything they had...Huskee's alive! lol...He apparently climbed on top of the Topaz chairs and fended for himself until Green came back home...poor doggie.

I feel that my family is seeing all of this and going through all of this because God wants to wake us all up...Ive been emailing them recently with some of Pastor Dave's devotionals and Ive been sharing a few of my vulnerabilities with them...if it's just one person Lord--one will chase a thousand...

Painless
kriStevie2
sagemuse34
My parents don't know what's going on with me at the moment. I dont want to worry them or cause any heartache. I am so glad that Mother cooked me things I've been crying about for weeks and Kuya brought it to me at work yesterday. I was able to eat an ACTUAL MEAL for lunch today without feeling sick. I'm glad. I get my blood drawn every Wednesdays and it's my first week being on the meds--I'll see tomorrow if my liver function tests show my organ's ability to tolerate the sudden shock. I'm starting to feel better emotionally and spiritually. God's really been dealing with my heart intensely...As I take each step slowly, one minute, one breath, one moment at a time; moving forward and focused on Him, I see the light getting brighter and brighter. As of today I felt no pain--in any part of my being and/or existence.

Thank you Lord =)

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